The Gift of Seeing Oneself
After coming home from the gym, I walked into the bathroom to have a shower. On the floor I saw a broken mirror. I looked at the scattered pieces within the beautifully decorated frame from Marrakesh. I noticed there were no broken pieces outside the frame. I looked at the small open window on my right. The wind must have blown the mirror off the wall. I sensed there was a deeper message waiting to be revealed.
There is a superstition roaming around that a broken mirror means seven years of bad luck. It was the first thing that popped up when I googled the meaning of a broken mirror. Intuitively I received the message don’t fall for superstition, look deeper within. When something breaks it often signifies an ending and a karmic cycle completing. Maybe it is not a bad omen, but an invitation to see myself differently.
I have been looking at myself through a broken mirror. The realization came that I was never broken to begin with. After getting hurt and feeling criticized in my childhood I made it mean I was broken. I have carried this belief into my adult relationships. Each time I felt rejected, abandoned or hurt it reinforced the belief that there is something wrong with me. This unconscious process became a record on repeat. As a reaction I began to hide and wear a mask.
I became a shapeshifter changing form to appease, fit in and feel accepted by others. Throughout the years I transitioned from a buzzing social life to spending more time in solitude. In the creative process I found my inner voice and vision. As I became my own best friend, I realized I didn’t feel seen and accepted by others because I was hiding my true self. Then it was time to come out of my cocoon and cultivate authentic relationships. A therapist recommended mirror work to me so I could see my own beauty. She noticed how easily my inner critic can take over my mind. I couldn’t see myself clearly.
A few weeks earlier, I received an assignment from my art teacher to make a self-portrait with charcoal on tinted paper. I wasn’t allowed to use a photograph. I needed to make the portrait based on what I saw in the mirror. Making a portrait invited me to trust, listen and see with presence and patience. The charcoal invited me to let go of my perfectionism and free my expression. I noticed the shape of my face and a shadow moving diagonally across my neck. When I looked beneath the surface, I saw my hair moving with the wind. My neck ended in a v-shape that began to look like wings. This inspired me to draw a raven.
The raven is a shapeshifter who can travel between the seen and unseen realms. The Irish triple goddess Morrigan is associated with the raven and the power of prophecy. Tales were told that the warrior goddess flew over the battlefield in the form of a raven. As an oracle she foretells the outcome of battles and the fate of warriors. Through her connection with the land and its rulers she is strongly associated with sovereignty. As I move through a rite of passage from maiden- to womanhood, the goddess invites me to choose intuition over logic.
Seers exist cross culturally and often spend long periods in solitude to bring back wisdom, prophesies and even warnings. I remember a wise woman giving me a note of appreciation after spending a week together at a retreat. The phrase that continued to stay with me was “The one who sees everything is not often seen.” Her words described the struggle of the seer. The one who witnesses the depth in others but is often judged for being different. This quality often goes hand in hand with being a deep listener.
The path of the seer is not for the faint hearted. It requires overcoming hardships, going within to heal old wounds and facing deep rooted fears. The deeper we go within, the more deeply we can meet others. One of the greatest blessings in my life is having learned from elders who truly see me. They look beyond the facade into my heart. A sensitive and wild beating heart that struggles to find belonging. The seers I met along my way inspired me to love and accept my weirdness.
This morning, I looked into the mirror and saw the weaver of my own destiny. The power to create resides in my hands and the decisions I make shape my path. My heart has guided me to faraway lands to find lost pieces of who I am. A week ago, I landed in Uruguay to embark on a new adventure. My daily walks by the ocean helped me love myself more deeply and trust my heart’s wisdom as I navigate great change. No longer afraid to fail or make mistakes, I trust my inner guidance.
2026 Self-portrait with Raven © Sanne Ham
In September, I will open up three spaces for 1:1 online coaching sessions with me. Through a series of three sessions, we will focus on releasing fears and old patterns so you can embody change, trust your heart’s wisdom and embrace your creativity. If you would like to book an exploration call or receive more information, just send an email to sanne@creativefire.nl